Jennifer Akers

English 1111

Dr. Drake

30 January 2004

The Right Place

           1) Hallelujah! You've finally decided to leave Mom and Dad and live on your own. I'm glad that you asked me for my suggestion about a place to live in Grand Forks because I would like to recommend the Prairie Home apartments. They are affordable and have everything that you need to accommodate your possessions and lifestyle, besides providing the security you will want [Comment 1] since you no longer have Dad and his AK-47 to protect you.

            2) You say that you need plenty of space. Well, the Prairie Home apartments [Comment 2] have two good-sized bedrooms; a living room; a dining area; spacious hallways; a storage room; three full closets; a linen closet; and, of course, a kitchen and bathroom. [Comment 3] The living room is not large, but if you space your sofa, chair, television, stereo, and coffee table carefully, you will still have room for at least one bookcase and plant stand. The dining area is definitely large enough for your grandmother's dining room table and six chairs with adequate room for your microwave stand and a couple more of your innumerable bookcases. The bedrooms are each large enough for a double bed, dresser, chest of drawers, and a bookcase or two. I would suggest that you use one bedroom as a kind of office for your desk, computer stand, and filing cabinet. There is adequate closet space throughout for your immense wardrobe [Comment 4] which, if liquidated, could possibly ease the national debt).

           3) A drawback in space [Comment 5] is in the kitchen. [Comment 6] The counter space is limited, and there isn't a great deal of cupboard space either. Of course, since you have been living with Mom these past 35 years, you probably do not have many kitchen supplies [Comment 7] To offset this drawback in space, there is a dishwasher, so you won't have to expose your hands to the ravages of dishwater. The stove is electric, and the refrigerator is large enough to hold your milk, soda, and beer [Comment 8] (Now that you're on your own, you can have all the beer you want without having to worry about Dad’s pouring it down the drain). The refrigerator has a top freezer that is spacious enough to hold your frozen dinners and Banquet Fried Chicken.

            4) Another [Comment 9]  feature [Comment 10] of the Prairie Home apartments is its arrangement of apartments. [Comment 11] The only spatial contact that you have with another apartment is the apartment above or below you.  There are hallways separating the apartments on each floor, [Comment 12] so your place is quiet when you don't want to be bothered by noise, and you can also feel free to entertain without worrying about bothering others. Now you can party until the wee hours of the morning without having your father come in with his AK-47 to shut down the noise. You also won't have to worry about your mother's political rallies keeping you up when you need your beauty sleep. [Comment 13]

            5) A concern that you voiced about moving out on your own [Comment 14] was having adequate parking for you and your friends' cars when they come to visit. At Prairie Home apartments, you have both a garage and a parking place. [Comment 15]  Therefore, you can put the Jag in the garage and leave the parking place for your pickup or your friends' vehicles. Since the apartments are located a half block from the side streets, [Comment 16] there is also adequate parking for guests, except you must be careful in the winter about parking after a snowstorm when snow removal rules are in effect. [Comment 17] However, since local stations keep reminding residents about such rules, you shouldn't have any trouble remembering to move vehicles. [Comment 18]

            6) Most importantly for you, [Comment 19] Prairie Home apartments will take cats, [Comment 20] so you can have your beloved Rabies with you. The apartment’s dark-colored carpeting minimizes the effect of dark cat fur, [Comment 21] so Rabies can shed to his feline delight. [Comment 22] Also, the small storage room provides a perfect place for the litter box, [Comment 23] giving Rabies some privacy and you some relief from the odor. [Comment 24] There is a leash law in effect for cats in Grand Forks; thus, Rabies cannot run about as he does in Ortley. [Comment 25]  However, being away from your parents' iguanas and lab rats should make up for any loss of freedom that he suffers. [Comment 26]

            7) And [Comment 27] as for security, my cowardly friend, Prairie Homes has a security system [Comment 28]  that keeps riffraff (except the invited riffraff of your friends) out and your possessions in. A buzzer system in the front foyer guarantees that only the people you want to visit you (and who want to visit the other apartment dwellers--but, trust me, they're all God-fearing, law-abiding, NRA card-carrying citizens) are allowed in. A security guard is also patrolling the complex throughout the day and the night and is available for escorts to and from your car. [Comment 29] However, he will not walk Rabies or empty litter boxes.

            8) All of this [Comment 30]  for only $500 a month! [Comment 31] Your parents are already charging you $750 to live with them (have you ever thought that the price is high because they want you to leave?), so $500 shouldn't bother you much at all. This price also includes heat and water, and with electricity running little more than $25 a month, you should have plenty of money left over to buy more books, keep Rabies in food and litter, and party hearty. [Comment 32] [Comment 33]

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